


You Deserve the World

by trashbaby28



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst angst angst I'm sorry, Best Friends, Best Friends in Love, Brooklyn, Dark Reylo, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Modern AU, New York City, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rey POV, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Understanding, mentions of drug use, sad feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-24 19:48:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22343455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashbaby28/pseuds/trashbaby28
Summary: Whether he forced the friendship on her with his dominating personality and charm, or they just had a natural connection, Rey could not deny that she is eternally grateful to have met Ben.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	You Deserve the World

**Author's Note:**

> It's been forever since I've posted a fic on here, and I am a little nervous about posting this one since it's a little bit darker than something I'd probably normally write. For now, it's a one-shot, but I might add more to the story depending on the feedback. 
> 
> Regardless, I hope you enjoy these sad little babes who clearly are in love with each other, and I hope it gives you all the feels. <3

They hang out almost every Friday night. Rey and Ben. They have ever since Rey moved to Brooklyn about a year ago.

Rey was bored with her job, bored with dating (or lack thereof), and bored with life in general. She felt like she was working to exist, and existing was becoming exhausting. So, when Rey’s work colleagues, Finn and Rose, expressed the same sort of feelings and wanting to make a change, Rey was all in. Finn and Rose were the first friends Rey had had in years, and she was determined to make that friendship last; so, wherever they went, Rey was going, too. Never in a million years did Rey think that change would take her to The Big Apple, though. New York honestly never would have been her first choice for a change in scenery. She’d prefer a real jungle to an urban one; but, Rose’s sister, Paige, moved to Brooklyn years ago, and the trio agreed it would be best to start somewhere new having at least one connection there. 

That’s how Rey met Ben. He is part of Paige’s friend group. While it takes a while for Rey to get comfortable with new people and places (she blames her severe introversion on childhood trauma, extreme anxiety, probably a mood disorder, etc.), Ben was the first friend she made here. The first person she felt comfortable with in her new surroundings. Whether he forced the friendship on her with his dominating personality and charm, or they just had a natural connection, Rey could not deny that she is eternally grateful to have met Ben. 

***

Rey’s life hasn’t exactly been easy or fulfilling. It’s actually been pretty lonely. Rey’s parents gave her up for adoption when she was a small child. Having the expense of a child cut into the expense of having a drug addiction, so one of the two had to go. Rey bounced around from home to home growing up, each foster parent having a different excuse for taking her back to the adoption agency. But, Rey knew it all ultimately came down to the same thing: she was difficult, she wasn’t what they were expecting, they wanted a foster child who wasn’t so fucked up, whatever. Rey didn’t have just a hard time keeping a home growing up, she had a hard time keeping friends as well. Between her moving around, growing apart, being detached, lashing out, Rey has never had a friendship last more than a year or so. She thought that would change her senior year of high school when she met a boy who was a little sad and lonely like she was. They understood each other, too, she thought, and they started dating. Rey was 18 by then, so she was able to stay put for once with this boy and go to college with him. They lived in a shitty studio apartment together and had their share of disagreements, but Rey really thought she found someone who would stick around. That she was worth sticking around for despite her issues. Someone who could put up with her paranoia and insecurities of not being enough. He eventually left too, though. He needed more, better. Something that wasn’t Rey.

All in all, Rey couldn’t blame any of them: her parents, the foster parents, the friends, the ex. Rey knew she was a difficult person. She either felt too much too often or felt absolutely nothing at all. And she had no idea how to process or handle how she felt without it affecting others. 

She tried to explain it to a school counselor one time after she had screamed at a teacher and threw her things across the room because they wouldn’t let her go to the restroom. She was overwhelmed by all her classmates, by all the noise. She felt something building inside her, something that made her feel like, at any minute, she was going to fly apart. Like her limbs were just going to rip off her body and fly across the room from the pressure building up inside her. She was panicking needed to get out. She needed a quiet place. And when the teacher wouldn’t help her, she flew apart. She had no control over her actions. The counselor told her she was showing signs of manic-depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, etc., but she needed to better control herself during class time.

***

And she has been able to better control herself as she’s gotten older. She takes medicine for bi-polar disorder now, and she practices yoga and meditation. She tries not to listen to the thoughts in her head about not being good enough for anyone, and that everyone is eventually going to leave. The people in her life now are good and understanding that she can’t control how she feels sometimes, especially Ben. Especially Ben because he didn’t have the easiest life growing up, either. 

His parents may not have literally abandoned him, but he grew up very lonely and very much at the bottom of their priority list. Ben’s parents had him when they were very young, and both of them had different responses to being young parents. His dad’s response was a fear that he was going to miss out on so much that people his age experience, so he took every opportunity he got to go on the road and travel with his friend’s metal band, making excuses that he was working as part of the stage crew or driving the travel van. His mom’s response was that having a child was not going to stop her from achieving her dreams of working in the senate. So, she spent all her time in school and working. While his mom’s response was more a little responsible than his dad’s, both left Ben alone to be taken care of by first his grandmother, then later his best friend’s parents when his grandmother died of cancer. Ben’s father eventually died, too. Drug overdose. Ben’s mother dealt with the loss of her child’s father by burying herself into her work even further. By the time Ben was 14, he had officially moved in with his best friend, Hux, and his mom barely noticed. Rey honestly thinks this is why she and Ben clicked so well when they first met. The broken are drawn to each other, she guesses.

But you would never know Ben had a lonely, fucked-up childhood, too. You would never know that he, too, has his own struggles with depression and feeling too much sometimes. Not by the way he carries himself; so confident and carefree. In fact, almost everything about Ben you wouldn’t expect. What you see is not what you get with him. He’s full of stark contrasts and contradictions like that. Both physically and interpersonally. He has thick, inky-black hair and a complexion that is paper-white. His nose and jawline are prominent and sharp while his lips are soft and full. His eyes are a warm honey color when the light hits them, but his stare is cold and unnerving. He has an intimidating, resting bitch face until he smiles. His crooked teeth and dimples make him instantly look ten years younger and like he’s never felt pain. It tricks you into thinking you’ve never felt it either. He’s crazy tall with a broad, chiseled body, but he’s the biggest softy once you get to know him, especially for animals. His isn’t super handsome in the traditional sense per se; he’s no Brad Pitt or Idris Elba, but the little things like the scattered moles across his face and chest, his large hands and the way he runs his fingers through his hair when he’s embarrassed, the two octaves his voice drops when he’s intrigued by someone or something, are what bring everything together and make him absolutely maddening to women. 

And Ben has no trouble with the ladies, Rey’s noticed. She hates to lump herself with any of the long-haired, perfectly contoured face, big-breasted twats she’s seen Ben hook-up with over the past year, but she understands the appeal of Ben to them. He’s attractive, but not so attractive he’s intimidating, he’s easy to talk to and joke with, he’s sweet and sincere, and she imagines he’s pretty fun to fuck given he’s in great shape.

Yeah, Rey definitely sees the appeal of Ben Solo. He’s pretty much the total package in her opinion. Too bad she isn’t his type. She’s literally the exact opposite of the type of girls he brings home from bars. She thought Ben might be interested in her when they first met because of how eager he was to get to know her, but she soon realized that was just who he is as a person. Always wanting to make people feel welcomed and wanted. Probably to compensate for his lack of feeling that growing up. He is flirty by nature, too. Rey also realized this and learned to take the arms around the shoulder, sneaky hugs from behind, and lingering stares with a grain of salt. He compliments her a lot, but Rey assumes it’s in the same way Rose would compliment her: to hype her up and give her a confidence boost she so obviously needs. 

Besides, even if Ben were to, for some ungodly reason, be interested in her, Rey wouldn’t let anything happen. As much as she loves Ben as a friend and person, he’s a bit of a man-whore. She wouldn’t want to just be another notch on his belt. She also wouldn’t want to ruin their friendship. Rey has tried to the whole casual, no-strings-attached, hook-up thing, and she can’t do it without catching feelings for the person. She still tries - she is young, single, and living in NYC after all, but she gets hurt feelings when she gets ghosted by a cute guy she had fairly good sex with the night before. She couldn't imagine how she'd feel if she were to hook-up with Ben and get ghosted by him.

***

And so here they are, on another Friday night. It’s too cold and rainy to go out and do anything, so they decide to hang out in Rey’s apartment. Rose is bartending tonight, and Finn is on a date with a guy he matched with on Grindr, so Rey and Ben have the place to themselves. It isn’t uncommon for the two of them to hang out alone. Once they got to know each other better, realizing how much they have in common besides the childhood trauma, Rey and Ben just sort of started to spend all their free time together. They fed off each other, in a good way. Ben brought out a more relaxed, carefree side of Rey she didn’t know she had, and she wanted to keep that feeling going as often as possible. When they weren’t working or trying to find love or get laid or whatever, they were crashing at each other’s places. More often Rey’s place than Ben’s because of the noise. Ben’s roommates, Phas and Hux, while fun to be around, are also a couple and usually spend most nights having sex and making Ben and Rey listen to their awkward sex noises. It was fun to make fun of them at first, but then it just started becoming weird and annoying. 

Anytime Ben crashed at Rey’s, it was kind of like a middle school sleepover. You know, the kind where you eat a lot of junk food, watch scary movies, sleep in the same bed and shit talk until you fall asleep. That’s literally all Rey and Ben do on nights like these, and Rey loves it. She always has a blast until it comes time to sleep. Ben started these sleepovers sleeping on the couch, but when Finn came home one night with a hookup that couldn’t make it to the bedroom and didn’t realize Ben was asleep under the mass of blankets on the couch, Ben freaked and has been sleeping with Rey ever since. 

It’s not that she doesn’t like sleeping next to Ben, she actually really enjoys it. Ben is a huge cuddler (something else that contradicts his daunting appearance), so he spoons Rey all night long. She especially enjoys it in the winter when it’s snowing outside because his body is basically a heating blanket. She’s just terrified of getting aroused sleeping next to him and him noticing. Ben’s body feels good next to her anyway, but he can’t stay still. He has to be moving something until he falls asleep – a hand, a foot, something. And since he always pulls Rey up against him to sleep, he’s usually moving those things against her. He oftentimes drapes his huge hand around her waist and moves his thumb in slow circles over her hipbone. Or sometimes he moves his fingers up and down her side from her ribs to her the top of her thigh, and it takes everything in Rey to stifle back a moan and resist the urge to grind her hips back against him. He has a habit of burying his face in her hair or close to her ear, and she can feel his breath on her neck and hear a soft moan every now and then as he falls deeper into sleep. Sometimes, he even grinds his hips into her backside while he’s asleep, completely unintentional Rey knows, but it still drives her absolutely insane.

Rey always takes longer to fall asleep than Ben does because she’s so worked up by his nightly sleep rituals. Rey isn’t the only one affected, though. Ben wakes up most mornings with a hard-on, and while Rey knows this is very common for any man to experience, sleeping next to someone or not, Rey takes pleasure in Ben being embarrassed every time he wakes up with one and apologizing to Rey flusteredly. She often wonders if Ben sleeps with his hookups the way he sleeps with her, all intimate and stuff. She feels a spike of jealousy run through her every time she tries to picture it. 

***

Ben lays propped up against the wall on Rey’s bed surfing through Netflix while Rey finishes packing a bowl for the two of them. She normally only smokes if she’s feeling anxious and overwhelmed, but sometimes she just likes getting high with Ben and acting even goofier together than they normally do. Ben talks her into a Matrix marathon and how they can look for glitches in real life. Rey puffs, laughs, and passes to Ben as she concedes to his proposal. 

As they watch the movie and absentmindedly pass the bowl back and forth, Ben notices there’s really only enough left to get one more good hit. He lights up and before inhaling looks at Rey and says in a low voice, “Come here. Let’s shotgun this last bit.” 

Rey and Ben have done this countless times, but she still gets a shiver down her spine any time he insists to shotgun. She knows it means literally nothing, but there’s something very hot to her about passing smoke to one another in that close of proximity. She leans in closer, thanking her past self for brushing her teeth and applying lip balm before Ben came over. She watches him inhale through hooded lashes, waiting for him to give her the signal to come closer. He sits the bowl down on her nightstand and grabs her face with both of his hands as he leans closer to her. One hand rests toward the back of her jaw, holding her in place while fingers lace through the hair at the nape of her neck. His other hand drifts down a little further, tracing her neck until he finds her pulse point and hovers. He likes to do that for some reason, Rey’s noticed. Find her pulse point. He’s probably trying to see if he has any sort of effect on her to stroke his ego. Rey internally rolls her eyes. More so at the fact that he can affect her just from the softest of touches and less that he would need his ego stroked any more than it already is by the number of girls that throw themselves at him. 

He’s looking at her intently, waiting for her to acknowledge she’s ready. His eyes are hooded as well. From the weed, obviously, not because he’s getting something out of being this close to her, touching her. His eyes always look more golden when he smokes. They’re really beautiful, Rey thinks, staring a second too long and forgetting Ben’s waiting for her to give him the go. She nods slowly and parts her mouth. She doesn’t miss the way Ben’s eyes drift down to her lips, but that’s probably just because he wants to make sure he doesn’t miss. He moves even closer until his nose is touching hers and his bottom lip brushes against her own.  
_Maybe he’s a little higher than he realizes?_ He’s never actually touched his lips to hers while doing this. He’s been dangerously close before, and Rey’s enjoyed the anticipation of him closing the distance more times than she probably should, but he’s never been this close. 

He misjudged the distance, that’s all. No big deal.

Rey inwardly curses herself for the small gasp that escapes her lips, though. Ben looks up at her then, blowing the smoke into her mouth. Hopefully, he isn’t looking at her because he heard her gasp, but because he’s just high and blissfully unaware of how turned on she is right now. Which she hates herself for right now. She usually can keep her attraction toward Ben in check, so she doesn’t know why the fuck she’s dropping the ball now. 

He hovers for a second after he’s blown all the smoke into her mouth. He doesn’t move until Rey closes her lips together in an attempt to hold the smoke in, but what it actually does is just catch the tip of Ben’s bottom lip in between her own. Rey freaks and jerks back, coughing all the smoke out and apologizing profusely.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to like, kinda kiss you. I forgot you were that close” She’s still coughing and holding her chest. She could die right now. Ben is grinning and running his thumb over his bottom lip. Rey watches both mortified and kind of aroused.

“Rey, it’s okay.” a little laugh escapes then as he moves his hand away from his face. “I know what you were trying to do. I didn’t think you were trying to put the moves on me or anything.”

She lets out a laugh then. Relieved.

“I shouldn’t have been so close. You just, your lips looked pretty and shiny and you smelled good. I kinda got distracted.” He licked his lips then. “Is that coconut?”

Rey wants to die. Well, first she wants to lick the rest of her lip balm off of Ben’s bottom lip, then die.

“Yeah” she mumbles.

“Nice” he laughs again and turns back to watch the movie.

_Your lips looked pretty and shiny. I kinda got distracted._

Rey distracted him? She revels in silence at that small confession and makes a mental note to pick more of that balm up at the drug store.

God. She’s pathetic.

Any embarrassment she had before wears off as the weed starts to kick in. They wind up laying on their backs staring at the ceiling, legs thrown over each other, completely ignoring the movie, and just talking about what’s new. Rey got a promotion at the gym, and her boss is actually going to start letting her teach a water aerobics class to the senior citizens. It’s not her preferred choice, but it’s a start. She eventually hopes to teach yoga there. That’s her endgame. Ben assures her she’ll get there, and she’ll be the hottest instructor, too. She rolls her eyes. Ben’s job is still boring, and he’s still seeing Kiara.

This is new for Ben. He met Kiara a couple of months ago at a club and is still sleeping with her. They’re not an official couple or anything, but this is the longest Ben has ever consistently fucked someone. Ben doesn’t really do the whole relationship thing. His parents set a terrible example of what a loving relationship looked like, and Ben has a fear of committing to anyone romantically. Rey knows that’s such a typical dude thing to say, but Ben has a legitimate reason for fearing intimacy in Rey’s eyes. He’s afraid he’s incapable of loving someone the way they expect or deserve to be loved. He literally never had an example of how to do it. He also doesn't think anyone should waste their time trying to love him. The only girl he has ever dated officially was his high school sweetheart, and when things eventually ended, as most high school relationships do, she took it really hard. She called him a monster, he didn’t deserve to be loved, etc. Even though Rey has tried to explain to Ben a million times that girls just say hurtful things when they’re hurting, he still took what she said to heart. He believes what she said because his parents never really showed him they loved him either. So, he’s kind of always believed what she said to be true.

Rey would punch Jessika Pava in the face if she was ever given the opportunity.

Rey is a little jealous, worried that Kiara might be changing his mind about commitment, but she also can’t resist the urge to tease him.

“Ohhh. So, is Kiara the one that’s going to turn things around? Make an honest man out of Ben Solo?” She playfully pushes his arm. Ben grabs her hand with his other arm and laces her fingers between his own. 

Too intimate. He never does this kind of stuff with her. Why is he doing it tonight?

“Ha. Ha. Definitely not. Kiara is not the type of girl to make me an honest man.”

Rey rolls her eyes and tries to remove her hand from Ben’s grasp, but he holds on tighter. So, Rey just sighs and asks “why not?”

“She’s not smart.”

“Don’t be a dick, Ben. And since when has intelligence ever been something you look for in a good fuck?”

“Never. That’s why she won’t be the one who changes me.”

“Do you even want to be changed? Aren’t you like, living every guy's life goal of being an immortal bachelor anyway?” Rey asks half-serious but also giggling.  
Ben laughs too and turns to look at Rey.

“I guess. I don’t know. I’m just bored. Kiara is a nice distraction, but she’s not really what I want.”

“What do you want then?” Rey says with exasperation as she counts the holes in her ceiling, waiting for Ben to answer.

She gives him a second, but when he doesn’t answer, she turns to look at him. He’s still staring at her. 

“What?” She asks with another giggle. Ben looks away, smiling and shaking his head. The gesture tugs at her heart.

“I don’t know what I want. Someone with a little more depth would be a good start though.” He pauses as if thinking about a better way to articulate what he’s trying to say. “Someone I can lay in bed with until four in the morning talking about everything and nothing. Something warm and something comfortable.”

Rey blinks at him. _Kinda like what you and I do?_ She wants to say to him. Instead, she settles for, “But also someone who’s a good fuck?”

Ben looks at her and laughs. “If the connection between us is good, then the sex will be good, too. I think.”

“Well, I just want to find someone who is a good fuck. I’m never trying the whole love thing again.” Rey says, and Ben just stares at her.

He knows about her ex. He knows that they dated for seven years, and she loved him. He knows that that relationship was the most stable thing she has ever had in her life. He knows her ex loved her for a time, but then just decided one day he didn’t want to be with her forever anymore. He wanted to try to find someone out there who was "better." A better fuck, someone with a more level-head, someone who he wasn’t going to have to be patient with and considerate of her mental state and all her baggage. Ben knows he only added to that voice in the back of her head telling her she wasn’t enough for anyone.

Ben knew and he empathized. Ben would also kill that mother fucker given the opportunity. 

Rey looks back at Ben suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. Was she being annoying? Too show-offy that she’s _a bad bitch who doesn’t need love?_ It’s become her defense mechanism over the years. _Don’t love or need anyone. It won’t hurt as bad when they leave you. Because they will leave you. No one sticks around for you._

“I think you want more than a good fuck, Rey.”

“Not really." She pauses, contemplating, "actually, I’d rather just be someone else’s good fuck. I’d like a guy to seek me out beyond a one-night stand.” She laughs, getting real anxious underneath Ben’s intense gaze.

After a beat, “You don’t want to be just a good fuck, Rey. You deserve more than that.”

“What do I deserve, then? Because if I was a good fuck like _Kiara,_ I would at least know I was wanted.” 

The words come out a little more bitter than she intends. The look on Ben’s face makes her regret mentioning Kiara at all. Why did she do that? She’s going to seem like a jealous psycho friend now.

Ben moves closer to her, practically laying on top of her now. Draping his arm around her side, the other tucking hair behind her ear. He licks his lips. 

“You’re not the kind of girl someone should fuck. You’re the kind of girl someone should make love to. Kiss you after. You deserve love, Rey.”

Rey can’t look away from Ben. The honesty in his voice and the sincerity in his eyes has her breath caught in her throat. He starts to untangle himself from her and leaves her lying there as he turns off the tv and the light by the side of her bed. He shuffles under the covers.

Rey joins him a minute later. Slipping under her covers quietly. Ben’s facing away from her. She’s kicking herself for ruining their fun night. She didn’t mean for that one comment to take such a serious turn.

She lays there on her back for a second, fighting with herself to not ask Ben what she’s about to ask him.

“Ben?” She says in almost a whisper.

A second later, in an equally quiet voice, “yeah?”

“Which would you do? Fuck me or make love to me?”

What feels like an eternity passes before Ben finally answers.

“I’d make love to you.”


End file.
